I posted a seek last night at FICS, and guess who answered my challenge? A player namued "maupasant (2054)". My eyes nearly popped-out of thier sockets. 300 points differential is way too high for my taste. But aborting the game would show a tremendous lack of nuts - and hey, he is human too, right? he blunders too, right? So I answered e4 with e5, and the game is on.

After approximately 80 minutes and 45 moves later, calculating as far as I could. As carefull as much as I can, I lost. Ayayay.. Well anyway, Here are some of my post-game findings:

1. The amount of things I miss in calculation is astounding
Well not really, I was actually doing "Ok" moves in this game. You know, not really making gross oversights or stuff like that. But ok-moves is really not enough to win games. If I want to win against strong opposition, I must play way better than just making "Ok" moves.

2. Fear is the enemy.
When I was looking at candidate moves, some of them I didnt even consider because at firstglance it looked really dangerous. But analysis reveals that it really wasnt. I think, just because a move appears to be bad, I should not immediately drop it from consideration. Although proving that it is indeed a strong move is hard, but crafty says some of those moves I was afraid of was perfectly ok. In fact, in a critical moment during the game, a move I didnt take because I considered it a blunder turned out to be crafty's first choice.

A very good calculation and search routine is really important here. A move maybe dangerous only in the first 2 moves, but a "refutation" for the refutation maybe in the 3rd-4th move maybe present. But searching for a "point" of a move 3-4 moves ahead is really hard. Really2x need to train this one.

3. G30/15 is too short
Playing a game against sub1800 players, rarely do I go below 10-minutes. Usually the game is decided beforehand. But against very strong competition, making a move is like navigating a tactical landmine. You really need to consider everything as much as possible. In this game, we were both down below 5 minutes. Not enough time for me to assess the situation. Not surprisingly, My biggest blunder was made here. Maybe I would seek using longer time controls next time.

Even though he is 300 points above, the loss still bothers me. I gave it my all, and still I lost. The feeling isnt very good. Im realy tired of losing, but -

Arent you tired yet?

About my constant rants about chess? About my futile attempts at chess improvement? I dont mean to whine all the time. But being a patzer really sucks. The circles have helped me a lot you know, but it has not taken me to the promised land.

Lately, I had not been doing any serious chess training. Sure I do a lot of chess related stuff. I do CTS everyday. Play thru masters games. Most of all, I play, play, play at FICS. But I had not made an attempt to construct a scheduled focused chess improvement plan. I blogged about a plan awhile back, but I cant bring myself to follow it, or any other plan for that matter. I'm just in a funk really. Because it feels like I'm banging my head on wall. Trying to improve, and trying to improve, and trying to improve - but somehow, I feel I'm still here right where I started.

Right now, I'm even considering taking lessons from a chess coach. But $20 is a lot to pay for just one hour. Though if I get desperate enough...

Shessh. Here I go again mumbling about my inabilities. Yeah, well...